Women want a man who can face reality – be honest and truthful with them when it counts. Flattery is nice. Being told they are pretty is expected. But when things really matter, women want a man able to size up a situation and act appropriately. Unless they have an agenda, women loathe weakness and indecisiveness over time.
Women want a man who leads by example – a man who is not so much controlling as in control, who sets a pace for change. He is committed to the relationship and makes the sacrifices necessary for it to succeed - even in doing little things.
While no longer necessary in today's disposable society, decades ago, I pre-washed diapers in the toilet, washed and rinsed them clean, and hung them on an outdoor clothesline. One of the neighbors thought it funny – seeing a man hanging out diapers in the sun to dry – and wished me a happy Mother's Day. After all, that was women's work. Not surprisingly, my wife was more appreciative.
Women want a man with whom they can share a destiny – makes them feel secure – before someone else steals their dream. My wife says that she cannot imagine being married to anyone else but me. She says that, although I have held her accountable when she might have wished at the time, I have also helped her to become more than she might have otherwise become.
The life of a single, she has said, would have made her bitter. A man unable to handle her would have sent her into the arms of another. Each of the alternatives would have stolen something from her that she needed to make her life more complete.
While women may vary in how they express their expectations, absent some self-serving agenda, that which they desire in a man will incorporate the above elements.
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An equal and a friend
Here's what I want in a man:
1. I want an equal partner on my team. He doesn't lead all the time. He doesn't follow all the time. He gives input and we come to decisions by consensus. May the best idea win.
2. I want a man who loves me and can say so in so many words. He doesn't have to flatter me and tell me I am pretty. Pretty is a fleeting commodity...instead let him praise my mind.
3. I want a man who is there for me when he's needed but doesn't intrude on my choices or impose his will by force. I am mistress of my fate as he is master of his.
4. I want a man with a sense of humor who can laugh at the world's follies, and at our own mistakes, without anyone being mocked. I'll take humor over stern "taken in hand" behavior, thanks very much.
5. I want a man with a sense of reality that informs him that he is not the master of creation nor of the woman he married, but a partner with equal rights and responsibilities.
And yes, I married him.
I want a man I can feel totally safe with. Someone who will love and protect me. I know I should be able to protect myself, and I do okay, but I want a man who loves me enough to shield me from the world. I want a man who will put my needs above his needs knowing that I will do the same for him. I want a man to hold me in his arms every night and treat me as though I am the most precious thing in his life. I want a man I can love and respect and treat like a king because I want to, not because he demands it.
I think I've found him...we're not quite there yet, but we're working on it. Sometimes I am more servant than queen, and sometimes he is more whipping boy than king, but I know we'll get there. We love each other too much not too.
Sacrifice
Yes to everything but particularly the idea of sacrifice.
I want my partner to do the little things for me that mean so much,and which I do for him without even thinking.It may mean a sacrifice of time or effort or energy or a bit of money but it's all an investment in the relationship.
Having just read a book today which describes how women women "fill in the blanks" in a relationship (and finding myself uncomfortably agreeing) this post is particularly poignant.